Guilt

My biggest problem with Migraines comes in the form of guilt – I always feel guilty. As a wife, I am constantly relying on my husband to work and pay the bills as well as do the necessary chores. I worry about having a child because I dread the days I will let them down. 

Turns out, I’m not alone. 

According to Clinical Science News, 1 in 10 Migraine sufferers delay having children because of their guilt. 78% of Migraineurs reported feeling as if they would be a better partner if they did not have Migraines, and 44% reported that Migraines prevented them from having a relationship. These numbers are both depressing and validating. 

Part of the problem – the root of the guilt – comes from the public stigma of Migraines. Despite advances in the understanding of Migraines, many people still think of them as “just a headache.” Not everyone understands why I can’t just push through a headache and do what needs to be done. They don’t know that I spent all of my energy just calling them to cancel; they don’t know that I’ll spend all day in bed, aside from the occasional trip to the bathroom to throw up. 

Migraine Buddy – the leading Migraine tracking app – suggest four things to combat the guilt.

  1. Take Control

Migraines often feel like an attack on our bodies, and can leave us feeling out of control. It is important to take control where we can – our treatments. If your doctor doesn’t seem to take your Migraines seriously, find a new doctor. Try treatments – pharmaceutical or homeopathic – and see what works. Remember: this is your body; you DO have some control. 

  1. Join a Community

Especially with the stigma of Migraines, it is easy to feel alone. No one truly understands Migraines unless they get them too. Find blogs (like mine) to follow, join Facebook support groups, or Migraine based chat forums. Isolation adds to guilt, making it feel like this is just your problem. That’s not true – You are not alone. 

  1. Be Kind to Yourself

It is really easy to blame yourself for your Migraines, especially when it feels like others blame you. Even if others don’t seem to understand, you need to do what is right for you. While it is important to push yourself when you can, learn when you need to take it easy. Do what you need to do to get past a Migraine, and love yourself for your strength. 

  1. Advocate

Talk about your Migraines. Explain to others what’s really going on – both the science of a Migraine and what it feels like to you. When people make snide comments or seem dismissive, educate them about the reality of living with Migraines. You will always be your best advocate. 

It is really easy to know what to do, and much harder to actually do it. While I’ve done some of these steps, I’m still struggling with others. Being kind to myself – and not blaming myself – is the hardest for me; I think it is the hardest for most. But guilt can cause stress, which can trigger a Migraine, so it is important to try to let go. We are all doing the best we can, and we need to accept that ourselves before convincing others. 

Sources:

  1. https://www.mdedge.com/psychiatry/article/172921/pain/migraine-takes-toll-intimate-relationships
  2. https://migrainebuddy.com/migraine/2019/7/12/migraine-guilt-understanding-amp-letting-go